what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
