'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
