you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
