Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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