I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I touched a dick in church today
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
