I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
