so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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