the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
