pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
