this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
