I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
