So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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