Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
