He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
