I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
