I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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