Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
