you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
