He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
