you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
