my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
