SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
