Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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