Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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