WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
