I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
