Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
