my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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