ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
