Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
honey bunches of taint.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
