I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
