I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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