This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
