I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
