I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
