..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
