He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
