true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
