OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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