Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You took a bar mat shot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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