There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
