ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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