I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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