I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
