So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
