I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
