Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you made out with another girl for some wings
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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