They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
