I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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