whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
