You smell like a Billy Joel song
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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