Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
